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Hello there loyal fans and Vile Jellus Hatahs – don’t pretend you don’t read my CRAZY blog, I know it’s your lifeblood!
As you all know I have taken my quest for the ONE to new heights and am thusly touring the UK – visiting some of the most classy joints EVAH, in the hope that my handsome hubby to be will track me down, declare his undying love for me and we can run off into the sunset together – Marge and Parge have already asked if they can have Paddy and Lyla, it’s hard to let them go, brings a lone tear to my eye just thinking about it, but if I’m going to have a baby by this time next year I’ll have to make room at the end of my double king sized sexiest bed EVAH!
Oh I can’t wait til my baby is born! If it’s a girl I will call her Jodie Jordan (NTVO) Pixie Kim Jnr and if it’s a boy I shall call him John Paddy after my Parge and my nearly gone but not forgotten first almost child. We shall get matching mummy and me Twatoo’s. I know you aren’t supposed to tattoo babies but I have a mate who’ll do it cheap – he’s a bit of a rock hard gangsta and noone’ll dare mess with him! Babies Tat will say I Love My Mum. Mine will say I’ve had a BABY sucks to be you infertile LOSERS! – Not that I am one to brag, I’m actually a really really nice person.
Anyway I digress with my baby talk – back to the tour! I have been to London, Sheffield, Birmingham and some place in Scotland. You may have seen the MarryJodieMush tour bus – I don’t go on that, I fly, but I have to admit its nice to see something with my name written on in 6 foot high letters that isn’t graffiti on the side of Brentwood’s pool that says – Jodie has a Chuff Like A Wizards Sleeve’ – Ha like they’d know anyway, I bet whoever wrote that is a sad 15 year old Internet freak – NOT my type thanks very much!
The turn out at the venues hasn’t been that high, but I know that’s only because Jordy and SM Kyle made sure Jo sent away any complete no-hopers! After all I don’t want to be stuck married to anyone old or ugly or without the storming ambition that the Mush family are known for!
In Birmingham a whole stag-do turned up – Comedy!!!!!111!!Eleventy! The groom was dead fit, but since I am not the type to go for someone already taken I told him that he’s got no chance with me! I am classy after all.
There were also several gay guys, I SO told you all I was human vagina and could turn any man, the sad internet jellus bullies mocked but I was so right! They even want to marry me, it’s wicked!!!11!! I have to run a double check on them though to make sure they’re not just after my fabulous wealth and semi-detached mansion! The world is full of scrounging c*nts who want a bit of what I’ve made for myself after all – you can’t be too careful. There are a lot of people out there who would take advantage of a sad situation for personal gain! I’m not one of them thank God, it’s something me and my murdered dead best friend Kim always agreed about when it came to me. I really miss her, it’s so unfair that my friend was taken away from me like that! But it’s OK I’ll make her an honorary invisible bridesmaid at the wedding of the year – she’ll be so proud of me!!!111!!
Better go now, I have to browse through the online registrations from MarryJodieMush.com, there are loads of them and some of them are gorjus! The other day I had one from some bloke called Randy and he was the spitting image of Brad Pitt – I swear they could be twins, you should see the photo. I won’t show you coz you’d just be jellus! – And I’m not one to gloat!!!!11
Loads of Love and hugs and kisses
Jodie xXXxxx
P.S. I am getting MARRIED and having a BABY!!!
PPS I am so gonna make STL wear a neon pink bridesmaid mini-dress that shows off her less than svelte legs (no cankle covers either – that’s my thang!) and makes me look even tinier than I actually am – COMEDY!!!!!
Quote for the day : “Resistance is Futile, You will be assimilated” The Borg Queen – My Heroine ?
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