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So sorry I haven't blogged since Charles and Di got hitched (I'm getting married live! just like her!!) only I've been struck down by a mysterious illness (which, might I add provided me with more love from my family than Syria could ever give her husband in a lifetime so there!) that conveniently went away last night in time for my BIG announcement. No, I'm not quitting showbiz, not apologising for all the trouble I caused from the week beginning 28th March, and I'm not going to admit that I'm finally getting my nose properly fixed, which is what allegedly polled highest on a vile radio station text vote today based on what I was going to announce; the same show in which the "DJ" said that no matter what my new show would be, she was sure it would be "Classy" in a sarcastic tone. Well, bitch; I hope your reading this because I have eyes and ears and noses everywhere, and will always have my say against bullies who dare to spout anything critical or unpleasant about me in general. Who the hell do you think you are?!!! Why don't you just join a whole forum dedicated to "all the Jodie Mush haters" if you care that much. In fact I'm tempted to sue you babe; take away your job and shut down your radio station. Not that I care about any of that; Happy happy. Happiest evah! Perfect life. Fame good. Not listening!!! La la la...
Right, my BIG announcement. After Get Jodie Mush A Life was slaughtered like a newborn piglet which only seconds ago was sucking on it's mothers teat, I decided it was time to get my shows back to where they are supposed to be; About me! I think I was too generous allowing a bunch of shallow freaks with personalities like brown wallpaper get more airtime than me on my last show. Did you see the runner up guy with the eyebrows?! He actually asked me out straight after but I made sure I said no in the most humiliating way so that all his confidence was back to where it was before the series started. Ha ha! people I truly thought were just like me, but just used me to get themselves up to the next step in the confidence ladder; and promised they'd phone but never did. I'd even go for a drink with that guy who looked like he wanted to punch me when I got him kicked out of the show because I couldn't be asked finding him a new mentor. Anyway, so I went to MTV with my new idea and they lapped it up! I got lost on the way to the boardroom meeting but I eventually found my way! From some reason, it had 'Staff Nursery' printed on the door but I knew it was the place because MTV is about young, hip, kids (yeah man!) and some of them were very young! It was the best evah! I've never talked in front of an audience before without some jellas bitch yelling at me to get down. I always solve those things by getting right up in their faces and screaming at them; and eventually having to be carried out still screaming and sticking my finger in the air at them! It's their fault for bullying me; what do they expect? Me to just sit there and take it. I've done enough of that in my life thank you very mush! So after I told them my big plan, I signed my contract with a yellow crayon (couldn't use burgundy as it would have scared the little kiddies into thinking I was melting!) and we sat and watched Ballamory! It was the nuts!!!! There's a guy on there who is fit as f*ck!! I'm going to watch it everyday now!!! Comedy!
Now that that’s out the way I can finally reveal my BIG announcement! I will be touring the country looking for the best Jodie Mush transvestite evah! and you can audition straight away by clicking here you lucky weirdos - www.hammerthefinalnailinthecoffinofmycareer.com. Do you think you look more of a bloke than I do?! Are you used to having abuse screamed at you on a daily basis, have had people shit on you every single day of your life and am constantly thinking "Why me?!" Then get clickin'. I know my perfect transvestite is out there somewhere! Once I've scaled down the entrees, the winner will be chosen and will take my place at any social event(s) I can't be asked getting out of bed for; that's anything where I'm not allowed to harp on about how I was bullied at school 12 years ago, or anything where I'm paid less than my token £20,000! I'm so excited about having my own transvestite! And please; only enter if you are genuine; I've only had big fakes so far; one which remarked on how they'd have no problem with not shaving their armpits as I don't seem to do it anyway! Cheeky bastards! And I've already chosen my theme tune for when it comes to telly; listen to it right here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsRDsw2zMP8. It's the song that sums up my life!!!!!
Eeeeeeeeeew! Lyla Plum has just puked all over my wedding belts that I wore this morning to my Leicester Square Envelope Opening Party!!! Did you enjoy the cake? I wouldn't have any as it's made with milk and milk is evil, poor cows, poor Millie and her sore teats! That's it, keep bullying the cows why don't cha?! I've just screamed at Lyla Plum, she's now looking all big eyed at me and cowering in the cover whimpering whilst I grit my teeth and make the kind of faces Craig Dean was doing tonight on Hollyoaks! My poor Sonny! If only he'd phone my number I'd be there to comfort him over getting axed from the show, but he must have misplaced it. Lyla's off to Marge and Parge's in the morning, better send Paddy too as it's not fair to send one off without the other. Just like putting a healthy dog down so it won't have to suffer the loss of it's ill companion. I love animals me!!!
Love from the bride to be (can you imagine what's going to happen on MY hen-night??!!! Mind blowing!)
Jodie Mush (soon to have a mystery surname - join in the fun of guessing what my worst nightmare name would be at the whole forum dedicated to "all the Jodie Mush Wedding Plannah's" on my site!!)
P.S.; Visit my myspazz page, I'm not asking you I'm telling you!! www.ninetyeightpercentofbritishmenwouldratherkisspatriciahewittonthelipsthanmarryjodie/myspazz. Look at this loser - http://www.myspace.com/youwishiwasyourbird she's STILL convincing mugs that she's me! Stop it or I'll sue y'all ass!
P.P.S; Quote of the day comes again from P!nk; "No Attorneys, to plead my case" Yep, has me written all over!!!
P.P.P.S; don't bother asking for me at the Sugar Hut anymore, I've had, um, a, errr, falling out with the owner and don't feel like visiting there anymore! That girl you heard about that was banned wasn't me! Just like the two girls who had hate sites made about them, that wasn't me either!
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